Yesterday my baby girl turned into a six month old. Today I’m reflecting on something I wrote just a few weeks ago, before fall had officially arrived. The reality that a new season is here, has given me such a bittersweet feeling. As I re-read through the following post, my baby girl is nestled in my sling, drifting off to sleep. I breathe in and smell her sweet baby scent, and my heart is overwhelmed by the love I have for her. I am so very thankful for this season of life.
As I paced back and forth underneath the shade of the trees, I felt completely overwhelmed with joy. Cradled in my arms, was my baby girl. Her heavy eyelids were about to win her long battle against sleep. Her sweet and peaceful face made my heart melt a little more as I continued to pace and hum and help her rest. Her chubby little limbs began to grow heavier in my arms as they dangled in complete trust that momma wouldn’t let her fall.
I lifted my head to the see rays of sunshine through the tree branches. As a cool breeze brushed over my face and swept through the trees, I breathed in and knew that fall was just around the corner. A handful of faded yellow leaves silently made their way to the dirt floor, drawing my gaze back down upon the sweetest little face I’ve ever laid eyes on. The scent of a warm summer day, mixed with the pure scent of my baby, caused my eyes to close for a moment as I longed for time to stand still.
Tears welled up in my eyes because I knew, just as fall was around the corner, a new season with my baby would also be just around the corner. Each day she’s growing and changing so much. It’s so wonderful and amazing to watch.
There is beauty in each season, but always a bit of sadness, knowing that each new season brings a little more independence, and eventually my baby will need less and less of me. I love that she needs me to fall asleep or comfort her when she’s upset. I love when I sing her to sleep and her tiny fingers reach up for my face, as if to ensure that it’s safe to close her eyes as long as she holding on to her mommy. She’s still so small and I still have so many days of holding and singing and rocking left, but I’d be OK if babies stayed babies twice as long.
Each season is so beautiful that it’s hard not to miss them as they pass by. So many seem to be bothered by their babies, hoping they’ll sleep through the night as soon as possible, or be able to self soothe, or not nurse as frequently, and yet these are the very things I hold onto and enjoy so much. I love how much my baby needs me. I will gladly rock her to sleep or cuddle or nurse her as much as she needs. I may be crazy, but I love our middle of the night nursing sessions when the rest of the world is sleeping and it’s just my baby girl and I. I’m grasping onto to these moments that will one day quietly slip away, and be no more. These are the days I’ll miss. This is the season that will pass by all too quickly.
“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven” Ecclesiastes 3:1